Saturday, March 8, 2008

Inside the brain

My daughter finally said something to me the other day that stopped me in my tracks. She said "your sisters try to make you fit" (or something like that) "you take risks with life, how come you do that?" and it took me a while to sort out what it was that she was asking and then to find the answer. Firstly I said "Well you know, it was when I was raped so young and I thought that I just had to survive." and then I added "and it was being diagnosed with insulin dependant diabetes when I was 25 and realising that I was mortal.", but actually I think am just like this. Maybe I would have grown this way anyway. But what was nice about the whole conversation was that she appreciated my struggle to be me and that she didn't judge it, just accepted that this is how I am.

I think so many of us live inside our heads. We go about our daily work all the time seeing the world in images and conversations that roll across the screen inside our brain. I have a really bad habit of taking photos while I'm driving, especially if I'm caught in evening traffic. I love the way you can be stuck inside the tin can while the most fabulous day is happening outside right in front of your eyes. Then you have to move on and loose sight of it and I try to catch it on camera so I can look at it again and again.

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