I'm in a reflective mood tonight. I promised my DNE that I would put all the things I do during the 'at home' nights of the project, into an info graph type graphic to help other clinical trial participants, instead I found myself drawing these little LabRat illustrations. As I drew them I found myself feeling all sorts of emotions about being a 'LabRat.' It's a rather odd experience. On the one hand my 'bullocky' resilient, externally related side is a bit like the little rat with the JDRF cape, I'm a super-hero, putting my body on the line for science (said with a wry grin). Then again, the analytical side of me is interested in the process - what actually goes on in these trials, what data do they collect & how is it used? The little rat in the middle is off to see the world and see how it all works. Then there is the sensitive scared little rat, a bit worried, a bit scared and feeling a little bit alone in the middle of it all.
This week my BGL's are being stupid again, not outrageously so, but just a bit stupid. Today they have sat around 9 all day, just because they can. Last week I had a day where they drifted down all day, no matter what I ate, just because they could. No particular reason. I think this is what keeps me engaged with the research. The fact that MY personal experience of being Type1 is a constant puzzle and I personally want answers and a cure. I apologise to anyone who thought I was doing it for altruistic reasons.
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